I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
