k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
