Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
