Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
