I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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