if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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