Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize