so that wasnt chicken after all
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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