Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
