Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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