you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
