All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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