you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
