Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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