I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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