Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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