If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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