dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
