its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
