You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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