if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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