i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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