Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
