just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
