Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
