At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
