you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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