Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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