Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
