I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
