Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
