just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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