Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
