Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
