I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
