Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize