Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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