The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
