im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
