Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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