the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
