If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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