Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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