I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
