I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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