It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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