I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
