You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
