so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
and you fell through a lawn chair
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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