He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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