is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
