she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
