i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my shit smells like andre
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
