PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
