Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
