no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
