Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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