I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
