mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
high people should be assigned attendants
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
