Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
