Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
