I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
