I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
