that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
