Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
