did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
