your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
