I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
