am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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