I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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