you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
