Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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