The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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