the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
