can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
