you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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