Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
