I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
