I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
