You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
